Life's pain is simply weighing me down.

I'm not really sure where I plan to go with this post, I just need an escape from life.. from the evil, pain, heartache, crime, hate that brews all around us.

I don't know how I have gotten to this point, or why I am seeing the things I am now. Maybe my mid-twenties and the people close to me are just in the age and place for such things to happen, or maybe it is exactly what I keep shaking my head about, "This world is simply full of hate and heartache".

In the past weeks alone, I have watched two friends loose their newborn children. A terrible, malicious crime happen in my family. People I know were evicted from their homes. And a friend announced her battle with cancer while another announced she is ending her fight. My head spins, my heart aches immensely for these people. I hate to question God, but I find myself almost every night in tears of frustration for why such things keep happening -to good people-. I understand I am not supposed to understand or questions god's plan, I cant possible expect myself to comprehend why people do the things to do, and I certainly do not have the knowledge to solve the mystery of cancer. I just see more and more people around me suffering day to day.

Everyday tragedies happen, everyday crimes take place and every minute a family looses a mother, father, child, sister, brother etc. I know... I have just never been so closely exposed to such things, and am having a really hard time comprehending it.

This is not a burden/pain/weight I can carry on my own shoulders..
I confess:

• My heart has never felt so heavy in my life.
• I have never questioned God's choices so much.
• I feel guilty some days for bringing my daughter into such a world.

And I pray for all of you... I admire the strength you continue to show.. thru pains no one should ever have to face, but do, without a question or a doubt.. you push thru life, finding strength within yourselves and thru god. You are all admirably strong, far stronger than I am.

My promise to myself; I will try to always see the good in this world, I have too much to be thankful and appreciative for.

I do appreciate all the small things.
Am thankful everyday for my beautiful, healthy daughter.
Have a warm, loving husband to hold each night.
Own a perfect home with valuable possessions.
Maintain a stable job with a guaranteed income.
And am surrounded with an amazing group of family and friends who would never let me fall.

I am an extremely lucky woman and blessed beyond belief. This world can quickly consume us with the pain, crime, fast-paced materialistic society we live in.. I must remind myself that these are not the things god intended for us to think about. But to be thankful for the life we have and the good that does surround us. Not become blind or distracted by life's curve-balls, but the way we handle such situation defines the better person we all want to become. I promise to try everyday to become a better person tomorrow, and thankful for all that is given to me and pray for those that hurt and doubt their strength among life's tragedy's.

Life Rant Over.