Time is FLYING! And we're settling in..

Time is flying and I can’t believe it. People say it all the time, heck, I tell new moms everyday that the time will fly and it just becomes a stale, repetitive statement we hear. But really – My babies are 3 years old and 7mo! Since when do I have kids?! AK and I are only dating, what do you mean that our next anniversary will be FIVE years?! That’s amazing. A blessing.

The last couple weeks and moreso the last couple days, when people ask the ages of the girls I say, “Well, Madelynne here just turned three and Annabelle is now 6mo”. Then I looked at the calendar, Mady turned three over a month ago, and Annabelle is SEVEN months old. Whoops! They’re doing so much. Life has been so hectic on them the past couple weeks, things have been so upside down, but I think we’re all adjusting well.

Letting go of Aidyn was hard. It hurt, a lot. The day we dropped him off I had to give myself a pep-talk about a hundred times; until I saw AK crying and then I lost it. We both love him unconditionally. I don’t what was so hard, seeing how far he had come during his time with us.. knowing he won’t be going into a home that would continue to guide him on the best path.. the hurt of missing someone in our family.. I think most my pain comes from his little heart, I don’t want him to ever hurt, be scared, sad, confused or anything. I hope this transition was good for him and he is happy. No matter what makes his happiness, I hope he is happy and smiling, that is all.

Move forward a month. Things feel “right”. Not to say that having Aidyn in our home ever felt wrong, we just felt outnumbered, which we were! Having three kids that close in age was never mine or AK’s intention. We chose to have kids with age between them so they will be at different stages at different times. Eventually they will get to common ground, but not until we can spend time, learn, love and grow with each of them individually first. That probably doesn’t make sense.. but over a couple drinks and long discussions over how we want our family to look, that is the plan we came up with. We now have our family structure the way we planned. I love it, I was so worried that it would feel lonely, quiet or sad without Aidyn, but I believe this is what my family is supposed to look and feel like. (..and that makes me feel guilty. L  )

Madelynne is so happy now. Her little spell of testing every.single.boundary. is almost over. I think we are now left with normal three-year old behavior that I need to iron out. She wants to test a lot of routine things such as eating dinner: she doesn’t want to try her veggies, which she has always loved. Bedtime: she plays the best game of procrastination I’ve ever seen instead of just lying down. (Please refer to book: Go The F*^K To Sleep). But nothing beyond what I would expect a three-year old to face me with. This weekend was spent doing a lot of yard work, house work and relaxing at home with our little family. I cannot put into words how important this time was for us, and how perfect timing it came.

 

Friday night was movie night. We changed into jammies, picked out a movie (The Muppets), and made our movie snack concoction of popcorn, gummy bears, m&m’s, raisins & craisins.  Mommy made a happy drink, and Mady got more milk. We gathered a blanket and found our places on the couches. Within two minutes of the movie starting, Mady came over to me with her bowl and asked, “Mommy, may I eat popcorn and snuggle with you tonight?”. This was the first time in quite a while that she’s wanted to be lovey with me. She curled up and rested her head in my arm and looked up: “You my best fwiend, in the hoe wide wowld!” She melted me. I squeezed her so tight and we watched our movie together.

I love spending this one on one time with her. All weekend she reminded me how pretty I was and I returned the compliment. She asked me to be her friend forever, and I promised. She wanted me to sit beside her at the restaurant and I was delighted to. We were little BFF’s and I had my daughter back. Mady is such a resilient little girl. I don’t know that I will ever be able to express to her how proud I am of her braveness over this past year. She wouldn’t understand if I tried. What is important is that she’s allowing me to show her again how important she is to ME. In my tight hugs, extra kisses and telling her how happy she makes me, she is starting to see that she is a much loved, special little girl. I love her with all my heart and have a lot of work to do to make up to her these last 9mo of having Aidyn. She really went thru a mini-hell with the transitions in our home, but I am proud to see how well she maintained her sweet disposition and sincerity.

 Mady saying Grace at the dinner table

Annabelle is 7mo. I can’t believe it! She’s wearing 9mo-12mo clothes because eating is her favorite past time and she is becoming such a happy little baby. 

Belle is definitely, without a doubt Daddy’s Girl. I don’t know if that is because he is the one that gets up with her in the middle of the night every night, or if she just chooses him over me – just like Mady chooses mommy over daddy. We each get one kid and that feels perfect :) 





After only a week at the new sitter’s, I brought Annabelle home that Friday afternoon and laid her in the floor and walked to the kitchen – when I came back in, she was on her hands and knees rocking back and forth! What?! Really my child, the first week I let you go somewhere else and I find a day job, you start doing big things?! This month has been a HUGE month for Annabelle. She sleeps thru the night (Thank. God.) She goes to bed around 7-730p and if she wakes it’s around 530a only to eat and then back down until 730a. She holds her own bottle for every feeding. Now that she is closer to 8mon, she has learned to sit herself from a crawling position, onto her butt to sit! There isn’t a place in the room that she cannot get to by rolling / army crawling / scooting and pulling her legs together behind her etc. She wants so badly to be mobile and crawl. She jumps so high and hard, I swear she is going to break the jumparoo but she loves it!

Annabelle is also doing awesome at eating. I made a bunch of baby food and she eats off a spoon like a champ. She picks up puffs from the tray and eats about ¼ of them, the other ¾ end up stuck to her butt or in her lap, but the effort is there! She talks to everyone in her baby language and finds an opportunity always to smile J She is such a happy baby if you give her attention. Car rides are not her favorite. She wants adult interaction and hates to be stuck in something.. The moment she decides she is unhappy, Annabelle goes from talking to screaming bloody murder for attention in a moment flat. The instant you pick her up = She laughs. Such a rotten child. I don’t know how that happened!! ;)

 



My girls are getting so big and I love it. Mady is starting to play with her baby sister much more. She loves her unconditionally and wants to help her with anything she needs, getting her a bottle, toy, blanket etc. It’s so sweet seeing her as a little mommy. Annabelle ADORES her big sister, she watches her and smiles, pulls and reaches for her anything she is within reach and talks and jabbers to her. Their interaction and watching them build their relationship is everything I live for. They’re my world.

Most ridiculous month, ever.

Life is about to change BIG TIME in the Bishop home.. hold onto your seats, kids!


I have been busting my butt for a particular position at Dominion Power, this has been a work in progress since November with many long hours dedicated to providing examples of work among other things. A couple weeks ago, I finally got the call that they were ready to hire and we got the hiring process started! I am so happy and proud of myself! My family needs this so bad, we deserve this and I have worked very for it. Most times I think that good things don't happen to good people like us, but then I always have to remember that we don't get a vote when they happen. Apparently this is the time in our life that we were meant to be ready for this big change, and I am glad it's waited until now.


I am heartbroken to leave my job. I am spoiled where I work, I get fed delicious food every night, they grill out constantly, I get homemade fried breakfasts, enjoy hours of Facebook / YouTube if the night isn't too busy, and most importantly, I work with some of the most hilarious and kind hearted people I have ever met. I have never worked somewhere that felt so close to a family as I do here. I don't expect to ever get this feeling anywhere else during my career, and it will be greatly missed.


Madelynne will be starting school full-time, moving from three half days to 5 full days at school. We talk often about how fun it will be to take naps with her friends at school and play with her teachers everyday. She seems quite excited about it, but we will see how long that lasts. She's never been away from me or our family all day. She's never been to a sitter / school for an entire day before and my heart breaks for her to be gone so long! She's a big girl though, and eventually this day would come. People send their kids to daycare everyday and they seem to turn out just fine, I think it's just part of my own nervousness FOR her.


Annabelle too, I think is at a great age to get her started with a sitter all day. She has been able to spend her first six months at home, where it's clean, safe and has her own bed and her things. She is settling nicely into somewhat of a routine finally and I think she would do just fine when we have to leave all day. It's sweet though, sometimes if she is left with Sarah or Grammy, she cries and cries, and they swear it's purely just because she misses mommy and daddy. Mady is the polar opposite of this emotion, she was resiliant enough to do just fine without us, but Annabelle is much more of a cuddle-bug and actually enjoys that attention from us. If you leave the room, she allows you about 30sec to come back without freaking out. While it can be obnoxious, I adore it.. Hey! Someone actually misses me! Sweet :)


Let's see. 
Madelynne's big BIIGG Princess Party is this weekend. The much.anticipated.princess.party. that the dear child has been getting ready and pumped up for, for nearly a month now. Actually, since McKenzie's Princess Party, Mady has been excited for her own. It's so cute. On random days she will tell me what to wear, I will dress in the shirt she chooses, put on my earrings and she says, "Great mommy! You look beautiful, ready to go to my party now?!" --Love her. This is a constant thing. Puts on shoes = "Im ready for my party, let's go!". Oo baby, a couple more weeks! Finally the time has come, and now that I am talking about it = she's not interested. haha
I am planning this party with more details than a darn wedding. I have nightmare's about a cupcake falling or the ceiling decor not sticking. I stress over my OWN Snow White costume, it's just ridiculous. I hope everything goes to plan, but if it doesn't, the real Princess won't mind :) I love giving her special things like this, I love making her feel special. All little girls and boys should feel special and get this type of undivided attention sometimes. The smile on their little faces are priceless.


Next Wednesday is her third birthday. I expect to be making cupcakes with her on Tuesday to take to her class to share with everyone, and little goodie bags. This of course is after Annabelle's SIX MONTH check-up! (SIX MONTHS!! That's just amazing!) I have to work Wednesday night so I don't know what big things AK will be doing for her, for her birthday, we will iron out those details later. Thursday I have a doctor's appt. Friday I will be working 1st shift to say my very sad goodbye's to my co-workers :( Then we have to fly to Midlothian for Kimberly's rehearsal. Saturday Madelynne is in her wedding as a flower girl, I pray she will do well. We haven't practiced yet, so maybe I will start drilling her with that here soon! lol. Hey, she is three, if a meltdown occurs halfway down the aisle, so be it, they are kids and it will be priceless.  (let's not tell Kimberly that!) 

Monday I start my new job. Friday we have dinner with Lindsey and Jeremy and Saturday, after a cookout, Aidyn and Roman move to Oklahoma :(
My heart is going to break when Aidyn leaves, but I think his time with us has been constructive, loving and we have gotten him to the point he needs to be but now just with mommy/daddy. He understands love a little better, discipline, structure, sleeping in his own bed, being responsible for his own belongings, knows how to dress himself, preschool taught him his colors/shapes and God, and overall he was able to spend some excellent quality time with his cousins. Mady needs her house back though. She needs her own room, her own mommy and daddy, and her own things without having to compete. AK and I choose for this very reason to never have children so close in age, I think when it is just Mady and Belle, things in our house will become so much more streamline. I will be able to take control of Mady a little better and iron out a couple quirks she is picking up from school and her sassy age, I will be able to spend more quality time with Annabelle, and most importantly, with Mady and Belle together. 


We have quite an eventful two weeks coming up! I never knew the month of March could become so amazingly busy, but it has.. all things of which are exciting, nervewracking, and life changing in their own way. We can't wait to jump on this new journey that these changes are going to take us in life, I just hope we can all do it with a few meltdowns and seamless adjustment as possible! ....and a bottle of wine or two on Friday's ;)

Random Fun-Facts, about me.

This will be an ongoing post I am sure, as my A.D.D. continues to remind me different facts about myself to note. I once did a post titled, "25 Facts you may not know about me". It was probably on Facebook or something incredibly personal-fact-sharing worthy site ;) I stumbled across it not long ago and it did make me smile. I created 25 facts about myself while on bedrest with Madelynne.. many things have remained the same, but due to new dynamics of life and changes.. a lot of things I have a full new prospective on! I enjoyed reading that.. that something about myself ;) who knew! So I think I will do it again.. but casually, but let's be honest: I may have had the time to sit on my ass and dwell about myself then, but those times now only occurr in the 6m drive to work and I am alone.. the few moments of quiet in my house at 3a after Belle has laid back down, or usually.. just when it happens and I have an "Ahh-HA!" moment.


Here goes:


Every night that I pull into the driveway, 1130-12p or so. There are two bunnies that ALWAYS start running from between mine and the neighbors house towards the woods. Those bunnies make me smile, every.single.night. that I get to pull up and see them. They never let me down, always there :)


Im scared to death of suicide. I am terrified beyond belief that people close to me that are having difficult times, will feel lonely and sad enough to have such selfish and painful thoughts of suicide. I wouldn't know what to do with myself and how not to feel personally accountable. I know it's utterly morbid, but the thought haunts me.


I have an irritional fear of wasting an awesome outfit on an insignificant day.


I keep crappy friends around to randomly keep in touch with just to remind myself I am making better life decisions and am a better person than some. In the same breath, I am learning that some people, really really do suck. It's not always correct to assume you're better than someone else -- but as I get to really know other people, some people just really do suck all around!


Old people can be assholes. Just because they are old, does not mean they are sweet and you have to love them. Always show your respect for the elderly, but they can still be bitter hateful people.. just old.


I can't sleep sound unless I check on my babies every night. Mady almost always needs to be retucked into her bed, and Annabelle needs to be covered. I have a horrible fear of them stopping breathing in the middle of the night.. I HATE those thoughts, and can't shake the idea until I check on them.


Im lazy. I can absolutely list off 32 things I have accomplished during the day, and I know I was busy enough to forget to eat, but every opportunity I have I am sitting back and being a lazy mom. I wish I had more energy sometimes to really get in the floor and play with my babies. They are happy of course -- I just know I could make them laugh a little more than I actively try to do.


I am extremely grateful for:
-Not being in school, no homework - test - quiz - papers - class etc. Every single day I am thankful not to have school.
-My heated mattress pad. O.M.G. heaven, seriously, I will replace that thing faster than AK replaced our TV in 6hrs when it died, if it ever kicks the bucket.
-My metabolism. Yea, I can tone up a bit, but for having two kids and eating the crap I do on little exercise. I look damn good and I am proud thankful for it!


I am growing a stronger and stronger hate for smokers. You're disgusting. Your breath stinks beyond belief and you don't even know it. And yes, while you think smoking outside clears you from smelling like an ashtray, you are HUGELY mistaken! I am starting to find myself avoiding so many friends and LOTS of family functions purely because the smoking is getting under my skin that bad. I can't tell you to go outside at your own house, so I just won't come. Not around my kids, sorry.


Good things don't happen to good people like me. I am learning this every single day. Eventually karma will come around, I supose, but in the meantime I just keep busting my butt for everyone and watch them get cool shit.


I love to smile. I love walking past someone that is wearing a smile -- they're apparently thinking of something that makes them happy and just that thought melts me. I love to laugh, I love to make others laugh and then I get to see that smile they wear on their face. I wonder if this comes from growing up in a home that people didn't always wear a smile, life in our house hasn't been a whole lot of smiles lately, so I wonder if I am just thriving to see others happy for myself?

Clay Walker is probably the number one musician that will immediately take my attention and often times make me tear up within a line or two. I love his music, his songs and his voice. Second two in line: Janis Joplin & Joss Stone.

I miss my Nama & never want to loose my Papa either..

Madelynne and I visited Papa yesterday.. I haven't been to his house since Christmas, and before that was when Nama died. I don't know why, but I feel so guilty uncomfortable lost/sad loss for words when I am there only spending time with Papa. I think more than missing my Nama, my heart aches for him. I don't even know that I have actually mourned her passing, I think I have been so busy lately, and so deeply worried about whether or not Papa is doing ok, to accept that she is gone. I feel like I am standing between being with my nama and watching my papa and just waiting for the next step.

December 2, 2011, Peggy Mihalcoe passed away peacefully in her sleep, holding my papa's hand. She always got upset if he threatened to leave her side when she was in the hospital or nursing home. He spent many, MANY long hours beside her over the last years as her health spiraled down. Nama was in constant pain, loosing her memory slowly, in and out of hospitals but one thing that could ALWAYS make her smile were her great-grand babies. Words cannot express how thankful I am to have given them to her. I started staying with Nama when she first got bad in 2007. During good months, she would enjoy driving and we would go places.. scaring the crap out of me at times, but she loved it. As we always would, we would go shopping! I can't count the amount of laps we can make around Kohl's without buying a single thing, but we did it. We would have a lunch date if papa left us lunch money in the 'gambling jar' and spend it all! He tried to put us on a budget, but he is a sucker for us girls :) While planning the wedding she helped me make most the stationary in the living room, creating a huge mess.. I would setup the computer and write school papers.. sometimes babysit other kids while sitting with Nama. We spent lots of time together, and re-getting to know one another.

When Madelynne was born, Nama and Papa were one of the first at the hospital to see her. I called them the night before to let them know what Madelynne were here, and I can imagine that she was dressed with shoes on within the hour and drove papa crazy the next morning to hurry to the hospital to see her. Walking with her cane in the room of the hospital she was beaming. Nama held Mady and fed her, her first bottle and was so happy. We spent LOTS of time with Nama while Mady was growing up. She took her first steps in her living room. 2 steps.. 4 steps.. then ran towards the dining room and fell and cracked her head ;) It was a wonderful day.

I love that Madelynne was able to make memories with her Nama while she was with us, I grew up in that little house making memories all thru my childhood and they are some of my fondest. Nama teaching me how to skip around that stained wood coffee table in a circle.. Nags Head vacations every summer. Breakfast at Shoney's or McDonald's and then begging Papa to come shopping with us. Sometimes he would wait in the car as we lapped Kmart. Most times we would stay in the car with him while Nama ran inside 'Hanaford' grocery store. A bunch of birds, Seagulls, would always fly around and land in the parking lot.. Papa would quickly pipe up and say "Hey you guys look!! There's that same bird! Ashley-roo, that one over there by the water to the left, that one is yours, remember?! ..Brooke, there is yours again! Right beside it! WOW!" Damn we were gullable for believing he could point out those birds every Saturday :)

I love my nama more than words can explain, I have more memories in my head and could tell stories for hours. She always had a funny way of life and christian vocabulary. It was rare she got REALLY mad, she would say "I am so T.O.'d!!" Really? Abbreviating "Ticked off" ? :) Or one year when we were finally getting onto the interstate en route to Nags Head, she leaned over to Papa, and said were ready.. HIT IT! And slammed the gas. She never used the interstate, and definitely would never speed. THAT in itself, was hilarious to us! Although most my memories could be derived from time spent one on one with Nama during the weekends, my Papa has always also stolen my heart forever. Many times, he would be in the country with his dogs. I would crawl onto his lap every weekend and ask "Papa, tell me about the Good ol' days". The days in mention were the days when he grew up.. depression.. war.. times where people sat on their porches and enjoyed just the company. I loved those stories, so much that I begged him to write me a book, and he did! I remember days where Papa took me to the country, in the old green truck and lap seat belt. It was such a long drive to get out there, but the prize was always the best. I would get pick of the litter! I got to choose my new puppy and bring him home. The puppy had to stay in the floor of the truck in his little box as I watched him the whole way home below my dangling feet. Every weekend I grew up riding one knee of his lap on the tractor, or picking grapes to smush with my feet. We had too much fun growing up.

That small while house on top of the hill holds so many of my childhood memories and I am blessed to have started my girls lives making memories in them as well.

Things will be different now. 
 
Papa says the house is quiet to himself. He doesn't mind living alone and he is getting used to eating by himself, but the lonliness is the hardest part. He says he just misses her so darn much. My heart aches. Fifty-six years of passionate love finally came to an end. Even on her worst days, he would walk into the room and turn the corner, "Peg! My goodness, I didn't recognize you! You are 5x more beautiful than you were before I left! I just don't know how you do it".. she would blush and smile, looking at me and wave her arm at him, "Aww Herb!". THAT is the love I want. What an amazing love that must be. I hope papa manages to stay busy and care for himself. I know he misses her and can't wait for the day he will see her again, but it will kill me. My papa is my number one man in this world, he has had my heart since a little girl, as has nama. They hold just as much of my childhood as my home did, I can't say goodbye to any of them yet. Until those times come, I will keep my girls over there as much as I can. I see the same light and love and joy in Madelynne's eye's when she is with her Papa as I hold everytime I think about him. He has a way with all his girly grandbabies, that is for sure! Soon Annabelle will take his heart too, he hasn't held her yet, despite Nama begging him to hold her, but he insists that she is too little and not yet. He will in time, just as he did with Mady. Now he doesn't hesitate to pick her up and carry her around, take her to show her, her puppy "Music" that papa got for her. Make her a snack of moon pie's, mt.dew (green drink) or anything else he can find unhealthy! Or just to sit and play with their favorite ball popper machine. Mady is happy to just sit back in papa's lap to have his company and attention, and it melts my heart more than words can express. When papa wasn't home, she loved to lay in Nama's lap and watch cartoons together, or our days of all crawling in the bed and taking our naps together. <3 <3 I never want to forget these memories. They are so dear special to me.

They're hilarious!

Seriously, these kids crack me up.. where they come up with the things they say is beyond me but they keep me laughing. Some people cringe when kids open their mouths.. heck, I know many people do around Mady because she doesn't know when to hush-it (were not exactly sure where she gets that from yet ;) ) but I truly look forward to hearing what things they are gonna say!

Often times we play the game of "Got your nose!"
One kid will get bent out of shape, "Give it back! Give me my nose" so we started pretending to take their nose and quickly toss it in our mouth, "Oops! I ate it! I ate your nose!" They think it's hilarious.
The other night after bathtime, the kids were running around naked getting lotioned up and jammies on.. Mady was sitting on the floor getting ready for bed as Aidyn was running around. She reached over and grabs towards his penis with her fingers and thumb! She shows him her little hand expression for what she's done and he gasps.. immediately she throws it in her mouth and cracks up laughing at herself.. "I ate your penis Aidyn!! I ate it!" Then proceeds to parade around the room as proud as she could be of herself for "eating his penis". We tried our HARDEST to compose ourselves trying not to make a big deal of it, and PRAYING this chanting doesn't get repeated at preschool tomorrow. Now THAT will be a letter sent home with some explaining to do ;)

Last week Mady was sick, very sick with a nasty cold, fever, chills, coughing, vomiting etc. (Well, maybe it wasn't just a cold). But her explanation for her sickness when I asked her what happened was: "Mommy, I was at school and playing jumpy-jumpy like a frog and I falled down! I falled down in the grass Mommy and now I am sick and can't go to school any-more!!! :'(  "
--Wow, well damn. Apparently falling in the grass gets you pretty darn sick. We are now almost 3years old and petrified of the mean grass that makes you frow-up and get sick. Sweet!

Im pretty positive that I am partial and biased because of course she is my kid, and maybe it's also because she took FOREVER to finally start talking, but now that she has she doesn't shut up. I love it. She sounds like a little mini-adult too and it cracks me up. We don't use baby terms, and talk in a 'goo-goo-gaa-gaa' tone with the kids, it's obnoxious and degrading as human beings. Screw that. We talk to them in terms they understand in a tone that we would anyone else. And Mady talks, just like that. She will walk up to Aidyn,
M: "Would you like to sit here Aidyn?"
A: "Yes please, Mady"
M: "Well here ya go little buddy! You sure can have some juice, let me get it for you!"
Crack me up :)