I had a 9:15a appt. with the Perinatologist and stress test. Did I get up, shower, pamper myself, dress cute and assembled? No. I found my yoga pants and a t-shirt and called it a morning. Makeup-less and exhausted. I should have known then that something was definitely going on! Annabelle appeared fine on monitors, however the nurse and doctor couldn't ignore the timeable contractions they were picking up. The perinatologist called my doctor, Dr. Hyde, and he suggested instead of coming to his office to send me to Labor and Delivery, he would meet me there.
I checked into Labor and Delivery around 10:30a and they immediately began Tribuline, a drug we had previously used to stop contractions. The dosage can be administered in three series but must be given cautiously. The first dose was unsuccessful. Second was also unsuccessful, and my heart-rate was rising. At 184 and efforts to bring my heartrate down, the nurse informed us it was no longer safe to use that particular drug, so we moved onto Nifedipine. Also unsuccessful.
The week previous, since I had been having contractions so frequently, I was getting nervous and asked Dr. Hyde to check me, I was 1cm dialated at the time. When he came to check on me around noon, labor day, I was still only 1cm. Wahoo! We thought for sure this wasn't true labor and I would be going home soon. I sent AK home to pick-up Madelynne from school and take care of things there.
After fluids and the second drug failed at slowing contrations, Dr. Hyde told me to hold on tight and get ready, that he had every intention of being aggressive to stop labor but it wasn't going to be pretty. Steroids were given at 1p (OUCH! Talk about a pain in the butt... literally!) He then proceeded to tell me about his next effort, Magnesium. The only way he or I can describe the drug is -- Think Flu. Cold sweats, shaking, nausea, vomiting, HEADACHES and overall, Hell. The Magnesium would work in combination with the Steroids, therefore if labor was inevitable, at least Annabelle would have gotten the best dose of steroids to boost her lung development as she could get.
I labored for the next 6hours in misery. Contractions every 4-5m with 'irritability contractions' each minute between large one's. I was miserable, my head was splitting and the taste in my mouth was the eggs that I had vomited at the Perinatal Center that morning. When Dr. Hyde came back to see me at 7p, I begged and pleaded for food. He reluctantly agreed to a light meal -- I ate a footlong Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki loaded with chips and a drink! Sigh :)
Around 9p I called my nurse, those contractions were NOT getting any easier. She checked me, I was much less posterior and 3cm, 75% effaced. The moment she read everything off tears fell from my chin. I truly believed I was going home! I honestly didn't think labor was pending and I would have a baby soon! Dr. Ruetinger, the on-call doc came to also check me for himself. He agreed I was 3cm and decided to bump up the Magnesium. = NOO!! If I thought I was miserable before, ayyy-yayayay! They gave me Nubaine and bumped the Mag. I was both nauseas and drunk. Try that during contractions!
11:30p. My contractions were teaming against me. I would have a really strong contraction that focused around my tummy but pulled my back. I was in back labor. No matter how I squirmed in the bed I couldn't escape the aches. Immediately following that contraction I would have another in my pelvis, which can only be described as my pubic bones breaking and tearing. Each minute consecutively between the contractions were smaller ones. My large contractions were now 3-4min apart and what were two miserable ones side-by-side, became ONE! Here is a picture of how I was coping during labor:
When my nurse checked me this time, I had progressed from 3-5cm in two hours. It was quite obvious the drugs were not working and labor was inevitable. Annabelle was on her way! .... I was horrified.
I began crying. I was scared for her. She was about to be born 7weeks premature. She wasn't done cooking! She could struggle breathing. She was too little. I can't give birth naturally, my dreams and well planned wishes to have an unmedicated childbirth just went out the window. No matter what I wanted, I was heading to the OR for a C-Section. It was in the middle of the night, AK and I were alone and about to become parents of a tiny preemie baby and everything was out of our control. I felt so terribly guilty that I couldn't be a better mommy and cook her longer.. I want to blame someone, I have no one else to blame but myself and I hated it. I wish I could have done more, maybe if I didn't lift the kids so much, maybe if I rested more.. nothing mattered now, she was on her way and I just had to hold on for the scary ride that was in front of me.
Last belly pic.
1:10a
In the 30m the doctors decided it was time to go ahead with the c-section, my L&D room was flooded with new nurses. They began adjusting my IVs. They prepped me. Placed incredibly tight compression leg things on my feet and calfs. Drilled me with questions and DNRs. The anesthiologist met me and we chatted briefly before he left to get ready in the OR. Then finally -- It was time! They took hold of my bed and headed for the Operating Room. I thought we were going for a long ride; nope, litterally out to the hallway and two doors down on the Left! lol
In the operating room I moved onto another bed, undressed and they began the spinal. It hurt about as much as it hurt with Madelynne when getting an epidural, only this time I was in back labor and was extremely uncomfortable to sit in that position for so darn long! Once it was in, they did a couple more things and I was laid down onto the bed and they hung the drape. AK was told to stay in the hallway at the time, until they were all ready to get started. Please note the Dr. AK picture, I have about 82694 of these.. they obviously left him out there too long!
I remember feeling incredibly sick. I had a bad feeling that the spinal would make me nauseas, and I was right. Not only was I sick, but I was incredibly claustrophibic and beginning to panic. I kept taking really deep breaths and closing my eyes, but I couldn't escape it. I laid on the bed alone, listening to doctor's work and NICU introduce themselves. All the nurses were very sweet and patient, better than them was my anesthiologist, he was amazing and incredibly sweet. Maybe because I was silently bawling or maybe because he knew I was about to have a very premature little baby and knew I was terrified. He did his best to make me comfortable and always stayed very calm and assuring that I was doing well. Finally I closed my eyes:
Dear Lord, I need you. We haven't spoke in a while. I feel like I don't ever make the time much anymore unless I need something and that's selfish. You've given me everything in this life, Lord. You've blessed my family more than words can say. I have an amazing life and a gorgeous little girl at home that needs her mommy. I have the sweetest nephew that is completing my family. But I need you today -- I need you right now to stand beside me. I need you Lord to help me get thru the next several minutes and be with me and little Annabelle. She's small, she's weak and helpless and needs us. She wouldn't be here if you didn't choose so. I wouldn't have carried this baby so long without your help and I feel so blessed to have been chosen to help you assist in creating this tiny miracle over the last several months. You decided today would be Annabelle Grace's birthday, and while I don't know your reasoning, I trust you. Please stand beside me and give my family the strength to get thru the next several weeks. Kiss my angel that is about to be born and remind her how strong she is. She has her mommy in her and will fight as hard as it takes to make it home soon. Send an Angel to watch over her, please, give her the courage and strength to enter this world kicking and screaming! Im ready now, together let's do this.
I prayed with all my might. I kept my eyes closed and took deep breaths. I let every tear pour off my face and hit the floor.
AK came back in, he took one look at me and gave an "Im here." half smile and just held my hand. He tells me that he was too scared to ask why I was so upset. He didn't know if I was hurting from the surgery taking place.. if I was scared about surgery.. scared for Annabelle.. sad.. mad or what. All he knew was that there was nothing he could do about it, but hold my hand until it was all over. We never said anything. I stared at the drape and would occassionally look at him. We listened to the doctor make the calls.
"Uterine incision now."
"Ashley, you're going to feel lots of pressure"
"Are you alright, Ashley? Hold on tight.. almost there just breathe"
Finally I felt the tugging and pulling and told AK --"Here she comes" and then I really started bawling. It was such a bizarre feeling knowing that your baby was leaving your body at that moment. I almost wanted to shout - "Wait!" - I wasn't ready, but I didn't get a choice.
1:22am
I finally felt the pressure stop and felt her being born. Dr. Reutinger shouted "It's a girl! She looks just like a little frog with her legs!"
"Alright little girl, time to breathe"
I could hear him suctioning her out.
"Come on sweetheart, breathe!"
I heard him tapping her feet and slapping her around a bit while still suctioned her nose and mouth. I starred at AK and we were both crying. He never choose to look at her and never turned away from me. We cried together squeezing each other's hand.
Finally the doctor quietly said, "NICU take her!"
We heard the machines doing there job to get her going, and the NICU staff bark orders and yelled at Annabelle to take a breath. I prayed so hard. I started shouting at God to help me, there was a little girl that needed him, please, I beg of you, help her!!
Finally, I heard three of the most beautiful squaks of a cry I have heard in my life. She was breathing! I exhaled and told AK to go see her. I prayed a little more, cried a little more and looked up and smiled at the anesthiologist as he patted me on my should and said "Congratulations, I've seen her and she's beautiful Ashley. Just a couple more minutes and you'll be done." I smiled at the ceiling tiles and took in the rest of the surgery.
Annabelle was breech with her legs beside her head while in my tummy. This is the way her legs and hips stayed for days. NICU staff worked to train her hips to lay back down correctly.
Once she was stabalized, the NICU Doctor came and congratulated me. She said she looked excellent for a preemie but was having a tough time breathing and they were taking her to the NICU. I smiled and nodded. A moment later she came over with Annabelle in hand and introduced me, I reached up and touched her face briefly and they hurried out the room. No incubator, baby in hand they walked her to the NICU. I sighed relief somehow. I knew she was in good hands and I knew she had angels around her. It was now my time to rest and heal quickly to see her soon!
At the end of surgery I remember asking the doctor: Are you using stitches or staples? He responded that he could use either, it was my preference, but if I choose staples, he would take them out before I went home. I agreed, but then he shouted, "Staple gun please." And I got the pleasure of hearing, "Click . Click . Click" 10x as I was stapled together... bleh, I could have done without that sound and sensation together!
Once cleaned, I was moved by several nurses back to my bed. My body was shaking uncontrollably from the drugs and nerves, but I was happy it was all over. I thanked my doctor several times and thanked all the nurses and waited patiently to get back to my room.
1:45am
I was back into my room. I texted my co-worker that works 3rd shift that I had been chatting with thru the night.I sent a picture to mom that Annabelle was born. AK made his bed and immediately fell asleep. I watched the clock for the entire night. Trying my hardest not to give myself a panic attack that I couldn't feel my legs. Attempted to keep my mind from wandering dark about Belle and just prayed that the clock would move faster so I could see her soon!
My labor and delivery for Annabelle Grace was the absolute opposite in every way that I had always dreamed and wanted. I had been reading books and studying and preparing for an unmedicated, natural childbirth. I planned to stay home as long as possible laboring. I needed bags packed and her nursery finished. I wanted to enjoy the shower and tub to labor. I wanted to hold her immediately after she was born and hear her long loud cries.
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans"
My ideas surely weren't what everyone else had in mind! September 20th I learned that I don't get to decide how everything unfolds in life, and while it may not be my plan, in the end it will all work out the way it's supossed to. Sometimes your strength is not shown by how well you succeeded in accomplishing your goal, but how gracefully you were able to continue down the unplanned path you were given. In the end, all that was important was my healthy baby girl, and with that goal in mind, I would have done anything laid in front of me, regardless of my choice or not, to have her hear safely.
Annabelle Grace Bishop was born September 20th, 2011
1:22am 5 pounds .8 ounces, 18 1/4 inches
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